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The Christmas Survey!!!

{1} do you ever see garbage bags on the side of the highway and wonder if there are body parts inside?
Actually…YES! When I was a kid we would go out of town to visit my parent’s creepy druggie friends. They always lived out in the middle of nowhere in really bad parts of town. And there was always garbage bags dumbed by the sides of the road…

{2} if you ever got the chance to practice cannibalism, would you?
Got the chance? As if I’m DYING to try it?! I don’t want a prion disease. No thank you!

{3} if forced to overdose on a drug, which one would you choose?
Endorphins are categorized as drugs, right? Certain acts release massive amounts of endorphins. Use your imagination!

{WOULD YOU RATHER BE…}

{4} shot or stabbed?
I technically have been stabbed. More than once.

{5} asphixiated or exanguinated?
You spelled exsanguinated AND asphyxiated wrong dumbass!!! Bleeding out sounds alot worse than suffocating to me. It takes longer, you get really cold, too much time to think…

{6} drowned or buried alive?
I’ve almost drowned about three times. Bury me alive! There’s not much oxygen inside a coffin. See above…

{7} killed by blunt-force trauma to the head or crushed to death?
Again…far too much blunt-force trauma to my head already! Just make me a smear on the pavement. No matter what they tell you…concussions are NOT fun! It’s like hallucinogenics with massive amounts of pain that make you want to tear your brain out your own nose just to make it stop.

{8} poisoned or overdosed?
umm…that’s one and the same, no? But I think I’d prefer cyanide over drowning in my own vomit.

{9} killed by a flesh-melting virus or by rats or ants slowly pecking at you?
Gimmie flesh-melting virus any day! Rats and ants are icky!

{10} out of all the above choices, which one do you like best?
Being a smear on the pavement. I’m that already!

{11} which is the worst way to die in your opinion?
Drowning… That’s one of my first worst memories.

{12} killed (by a person) intentionally, or by accident?
Oh like it would ever be accidental!

{13} killed by a serial killer (for pleasure) or a hitman (for profit)?
You know when it happens it will be personal.

{14} killed in a car crash or a plane crash?
I’ve been in a few car crashes already. Time slows down so you have alot more time to think about shit than you would ever know. Let’s go for something different… The sheer terror of plunging 30,000 feet to your imminent demise! Man…that would feel like days. Might even have a heart attack on the way down! Plus there would be little more than a few chunks of me left afterwards…woo!!!

{15} killed in your home or away from home?
Well…this place looks a little like a crack house already so it wouldn’t really surprise anyone to find a blood splattered corpse laying on the floor.

{16} killed in your sleep or while watching TV?
In my sleep just so I could see if I felt it or not.

{17} killed by someone who knew you, a stalker, or a complete stranger?
I already said said when I’m killed it would be personal! But…stalker? Maybe!

{RANDOM…}

{18} what do you want done with your body when you die?
Toss me in a packing crate for all I care. Seriously! What’s the point in spending $20,000 on a funeral????

{19} you’re forced to have your funeral at a place OTHER than a church - where would you choose?
How about an online funeral? Shit…why not?! I’m already dead so you could grind me into a fine powder that would fit through a DSL line! No…… Fine white powder is a bad idea come to think of it… Wouldn’t want my dad to try and snort me!

{20} what song/s would you want played at your funeral?
The Vindictives - Left For Dead…is that ironic enough?

{21} what outfit would you like to be buried in?
Just bury me naked! And I wouldn’t want to be embalmed first so I’d be all bloated and blue and stink of death. hahahaha…yeah!!! You’ll NEVER forget my funeral!

{22} who do you want to give your eulogy?
The person that killed me. Again…why not?

{23} any other specifics about your funeral you’d like to share?
Don’t cry for me… I’m already dead.

{24} would you rather be forgotten about when you die, or remembered but hated?
Remembered and hated. It’s pretty much a given.

{25} would you rather die alone, or die loved but leave a heartbroken mate behind?
You know I’ll be alone. And my corpse will lie undiscovered for a few days at the least. So it would be half eaten by my dogs…

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