1. When Chuck Norris helps you jumpstart your car, remember: beard is positive, fist is negative.

2. Chuck Norris will only have sex with women who agree to do it on his bed of nails. Needless to say, it is the best sex they will ever have.

3. Chuck Norris has the copyright on each one of the many ways to skin a cat.

4. Chuck Norris is the only man alive to play a H note on guitar.

5. Some time ago, Chuck Norris wrote two different stories. Norris gave the one he felt was weakest to his friend, William Shakespeare, who later renamed it “Macbeth.” The stronger one went onto become “Missing In Action.”

6. The helicopter was invented after Chuck Norris was filmed doing 8 spin kicks a second. He prefers gardening to kicking however.

7. Plugging Chuck Norris into any equation makes the outcome equal to pain.

8. Chuck Norris never hides, he only seeks.

9. Chuck Norris amazed scientists by breaking a diamond with a roundhouse kick. The amazement only lasted one second because awesomeness of the roundhouse kick caused the scientists to shit out their brains.

10. When you walk outside and aren’t eaten by dinosaurs, you can thank Chuck Norris for killing them.